Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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