Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
