As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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