and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
