Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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