i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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