He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
