Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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