Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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