Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
