He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
