I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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