Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize