her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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