I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
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He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
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He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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