the condom got lost in my hair
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
