Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
