Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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