please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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