everyone is single if you try hard enough
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
