YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
