$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
