What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
