You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
