first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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