I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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