I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She told me I should be a condom model.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
