ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
