Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
