The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
