yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
