I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize