either way he was missing a nipple.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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