So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
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i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
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Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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