They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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