Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
