we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
