I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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