your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
