I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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