neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
