If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
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You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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