I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
