Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
