Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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