I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
