I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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