She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
