so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
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It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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