his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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