break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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