Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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