i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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