yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
