I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
