i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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