The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
