By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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