He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
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I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
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I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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