So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
