great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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