At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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