Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
