The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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