the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
