You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
