I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
