Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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