so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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